Baby Birds

Tonight I received a phone call from Jon.

He said, "Well.... I think I know now how you feel when you lose your baby."

My first thought was that he was referring to our loss of our two babies who are now in Heaven.

My second thought was..... Oh no. Jon's "baby" is his truck! He's lost his baby. He's had a bad accident and has totalled his "baby".





My stomach did this flip-flop thing and I slowly eased myself into a chair for fear of fainting! I could hear him talking on the other end of the phone, but couldn't make out what he was saying. I interrupted him and said, "JON! ARE YOU OK????"

He replied that he was alright, and I asked if he had been in an accident with the truck.

He confirmed he was NOT, in fact, talking about his truck, but that he was missing his little Jacob.





His voice spoke volumes to me as he tried to hold it together. He was disappointed and upset that he'd be returning home this evening in just a few hours without his "Jake", my "Jaybo", there to welcome him home.

For eighteen years, Jake has always been the one asking:

"Does Dad come home tonight?"
"Where is Dad travelling today?"
"What time will Dad be home?"
"Is Dad working on the truck today?"
"How long is Dad home for?"
"Can I go with Dad on the next trip?"

Jake was always the one at the door to greet his Daddy (well, right behind the dogs!).

And tonight, it hit Jon that it won't be happening that way any more.

Jake headed to the big city on Tuesday afternoon to start a new job.... a new life... a new place to live....

.....without his Daddy.

And someone is having a hard time with that.

Isn't it supposed to be ME? Is Momma not the one that has the big cry because her middle child, her third babe to come from her womb, her great big 6'1" tanned muscle-toned baby has left the nest?.... has flown the coop?.... has gone to spread his wings?

But instead, it's Daddy that's broken hearted.

It's Daddy that's lost.

It's Daddy who's feeling the empty-nest syndrome.

And it's Daddy who just couldn't hold it together any longer.

So the two of us blatted away together.... all the while with me reassuring him that Jake is only a few hours drive away, and that he's living with Jon's best friend from high school, and that Jake will be OK.

And that JON will be OK.

And that likely I, Jake's Mommy, will be OK.

Jake at soccer finals with his "Playoffs-Mullet"

Jake accepting a Mini-Pumpkin-Tarts dare

Jake-in-the-box..... his second home!

My little rough and tough all-mouth hockey player

Jake's "cowtail" ponytail

Soccer pro Jake with "farm-brother" Scott

Jake and his cousin Beulah Celia

Jake, Jared, & Blake relaxing in the leaves - Oct 2008

Photo by Peggy DeWitt

Blake, Jared, & Jacob - August 2004

Photo by Peggy DeWitt

Jared, Blake, & Jacob - August 2004

Blake, Jacob, & Jared after Blake's highschool graduation

June 2008

'

'

'

Our baby bird is all grown up....
'

'

'

'

'

But don't cry, Daddy......

'

'

'

.....he'll always be your baby bird.

Blake's Health Update 2010/06/24

I cannot believe that I just typed 'June 24th' in the title.

REALLY????

JUNE 24th??????

June has flown right by.


Well, just as I started to type this post, Blake decided to throw up. Not sure what's up with that.

He had a headache last night before bed, yet had a restful night. I can't remember if he said that Nurse Janice brought him some Tylenol for his headache through the night or not. When I, myself, woke up with a headache this morning, I thought maybe we were just dealing with some barometric pressure issues. (This affects me every year in drastic weather changes, continuing through the summer months.)

Then at breakfast he was really sleepy. When he finally sat up, ready to greet the day, he didn't have much of an appetite and only ate half of a small muffin. I couldn't encourage him to tackle a bowl of cereal. About an hour or so passed, and then he hollered for a bucket and threw up.

Nurse Amy gave him some Stemetil, which helps with upset stomach, and he's been resting soundly.

I know from past experience if my headaches get bad enough, or are borderline migraine, it can upset my stomach. I like it that there was a good progression yesterday in a positive direction with Blake's health, because of the Remicade from Tuesday. I don't like this little red flag, but I'm not pushing a panic button. We're here in hospital in good hands, and we'll just stay put until we're sure he'll be OK. They're certainly not pushing us out the door, thankfully.

He just woke up a few minutes ago and said he keeps dreaming. That's normal with morphine. But then he was laying here awake and was "dreaming", he said. When I asked him to describe his "dreams" to me, he couldn't. He said it just feels "confusing" and he feels anxious. I think it's just the morphine affecting him, but will check with Nurse Amy when she comes in the room again.

I remember my dreams when on Demerol.... I remember 'zippers' and 'distorted faces'. It felt extremely weird.

The thing is.... Blake is on less morphine now than when he came in! Maybe it's just working it's way out of his system. Now he wants a sleeping pill to sleep so he doesn't "dream" while awake! I'm sure the nurse will know what we should do. In the meantime, he's devouring a tuna sandwich. For weeks we can barely get him to move, and now we can't keep him from climbing the walls! haha. I'm sure this is all expected and he'll be fine shortly.


So, folks, I don't know what your weather has been like, but here in Kingston today it can't make up it's mind. It was dark when we awoke. Then the sun came out. Then it downpoured. Now it has let up again. Looks like a lot of rain forecasted, though, for the coming week.

Ontario & Quebec had quite the variety of flavours in different weather conditions yesterday. Midland, Ontario experienced the wrath of a tornado with homes and trailer parks appearing like they were run through a wood chipper! Quebec was shook up with a 5.0 Richter-Scale-reading earthquake, which affected most of Southern Ontario and parts of the U.S. with tremors. Bowman, Quebec had a bridge collapse. I've not heard of any serious injuries, thank the Lord.

There were Warnings and Alerts issued for many parts of Southern Ontario last night on The Weather Network, which included tornado watches, hail, strong winds, heavy rainfall..... however, I understand that it wasn't too bad of a night. (We can't hear or see much from this hospital room, as we're surrounded by other buildings. I can only see a portion of the sky.)

I'm glad my kids weren't home alone. Jake was at his employer's house and Jared was staying with my sister, Wannett. Jon will be home tonight, though, to keep an eye on things.

Well, Mr. Sun has decided to come out, and the bit of sky that I can see looks absolutely clear. For the time being, the rains take a break.

I, unfortunately, have been taking a break on being in The Word, and somebody needs to kick my butt for that. I've had plenty of time to spend with the Lord while here with Blake at KGH, but just haven't been focussed enough, or disciplined enough, to make it a priority. I follow a couple of blogs that have provided nourishment, but I feel like I haven't had a "good meal".... if that makes any sense to you.

Even the devotionals that I receive by email are inaccessible to me right now, as my gmail doesn't work properly on Blake's computer.

But I know that God is lifting us up in this trial and is carrying us through. How do people that don't know the Lord ever make it through their trials? I simply don't know. I am thankful for His hand upon my life.... and Blake's life..... and my family's lives.

Who am I to receive such blessings!

And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
Matthew 28:20b KJV

ps - I will let you know later if Blake's condition gets any worse; but I'm convinced it's just the morphine playing some mind games.

Earthquakes and Heart Attacks

By now I'm sure most of you have heard the "rumblings" from folks regarding today's earthquake.





It measured 5.0 on the Richter Scale. It originated in Quebec and was 18km (11 miles) DEEP!





My Mom, sister Danielle, and niece Abby were visiting Blake and me in the hospital room. Mom, who was sitting next to Blake with her arm on the bed, asked Blake if he was shaking the bed. I, too, assumed he was shaking one of his feet causing the bed to move. I was sitting at the foot of the bed and looked at him. He had a look on his face that I interpreted as, "uhhhhh, nooooooo.... why is my bed moving......". Danielle said, "My chair is shaking". Then Blake noticed his tray next to his bed was shaking. I first thought 'earthquake', then I thought maybe the construction work going on somewhere in the hospital was affecting the foundation.





I went to the door and no one else seemed worried or panicky. Blake's nurse saw me, and I said, "Did you feel that?" She replied with a 'no'... looking at me strangely.... and I explained that our room was shaking. (She likely thought I had tapped into some of Blake's morphine). We brushed it off and then Mom & Dani & Abby started collecting their things to leave. I walked them down to the lobby. Apparently in the meantime, Maintenance Staff came running to the Nurses Station, asking if everyone was alright.... that there had, in fact, been an earthquake.





Nurses were calling and texting their cell phones trying to get in touch with their children to ensure their safety, but no calls were going through. I managed to text Jake & Jared, but neither responded. I was able to contact Jon; he said he didn't feel anything in Indiana, but had read on Facebook that a friend of ours had felt it in Petawawa. Jon was just getting ready to type on Facebook that she was crazy; but he received my phone call and realized it was true.





It sounds as though everyone is OK, but it always throws a little scare into me. The hurricanes and floods and earthquakes and tornados and tsunamis....... it seems they're all occurring more often... the earth is groaning in it's labour pains.





Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8 NIV





I warned Blake that we might get an after-affect sometime later today, through the night, or even tomorrow. I remember feeling an earthquake when I was a teenager. It was very early in the morning. Dani & I shared a bedroom and I was on the upper portion of a not-so-sturdy bunkbed set. The next morning I felt another tremor, although not as strong. Mom & Dad hadn't felt the second one, so I was glad when Dad turned on the radio and they announced that there was a second tremor. I like it when I know I'm not officially going crazy! haha (Unofficially, you should know that I'm extremely crazy!)





Anyways, I will feel better when I can get ahold of my boys. I'm sure they're fine.... I just like the reassurance. [Update: it has taken me forever to type this post because of a few interruptions; however, I have heard from my "troops" and they are fine! Whew!]







So everything is going well with Blake. The Remicade was infused late afternoon yesterday, and all seems to be OK. I would say today has been his best afternoon in many weeks. He had a shower this afternoon as well, and that always helps to perk one up a bit. If he continues to improve, I am gonna guess that we MAYBE can go home Friday, but I'm just guessing. Dr. Paterson was in today and said that Blake should be noticing a difference in his health with the Remicade within 48 - 72 hours. Right now I'd say we're already noticing a positive difference.








You know how the Lord always works things out for our good? Well, we are not on the Gastroenterology Floor. When we were admitted, they were short on beds, and because of Blake's C-Diff infection, we needed an isolated room. So we were brought to the Third Floor of the Davies Wing which is Cardiology (heart).





Well the elevators in this hospital have been receiving repairs since before we were here last October! They're STILL not finished. There is ONE elevator working for Visitors at the Kidd & Davies Wings and ONE elevator working at the Connell Wing. Even the cafeteria staff had to use the Visitor elevator the other day because the only working staff elevator had quit AGAIN.





I was going to head downstairs to the cafeteria and thought, 'I'm not waiting for that cotton-pickin' elevator.... I will be healthier if I take the stairs down to the cafeteria! Then I will cheat and take the elevator back UP!' [snicker] But after I got my food, I decided that it would be better for me if I took the stairs back up to the 3rd Floor.





With each 1/2 level, I was getting slower and slower. I kept thinking "My Shihan and Sensei will be happy that I'm taking the stairs..... My Shihan and Sensei will be happy that I'm taking the stairs.... My Shihan and Sensei will be happy......"





By the time I'd reached for the handle of the 3rd Level door, I stopped, caught my breath, and thought, "THANK GOD WE ARE ON THE CARDIOLOGY FLOOR BECAUSE I'M ALMOST POSITIVE I MUST BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK!!!!!!!" I just can't believe how out-of-shape I am lately!





So, see? God knows what He's doing!





For three days now, I have not taken the elevator.

I haven't had a heart attack yet; but it is nice to know that if I collapse here, clutching at my chest, gasping for air, I am in the exact right place.... here in Cardiology!

BUT IF WE GET TRANSFERRED TO THE 9th FLOOR, I AM SERIOUSLY GOING TO RE-THINK THINGS REGARDING THAT ELEVATOR!





And just so you know, there are 59 stair-steps from the basement to the 3rd Floor..... ya' know.... just in case you decide to forego the elevator yourself!

[grin]

Blake's Health Update 2010/06/22

Oh I gotta be real jiffy quick here. Anelyse might be Skyping Blake at any second and I'll lose the computer!

Blake got his Remicade dose this afternoon. YIPPPPPPPEEEEEE!!!!

He was given Tylenol and Benadryl before the infusion. They started the Remicade around 3:45pm. Just after 4pm, the vein got all puffy and we had to stop the infusion. They started another I.V. site and continued with the infusion.

Blake has had a very tired day today, especially this morning. He has slept most of the day. He's been awake this evening, though. Hopefully we'll see a difference over the next few days. He is continuing with the morphine, as he still is experiencing some pain.

I don't know how many days we must remain, but they likely won't release him if he's still on the morphine. I'll know more tomorrow when we talk with the Docs.

Thanks, everyone, for your encouraging words on Facebook. We appreciate it very much.

OK, I'll have more news tomorrow. Gotta git a goin' in case Anelyse calls.

:o)

50 Famous Parental Sayings

I just became Facebook Friends with a charming woman who came into the hospital last night to visit with Blake. She's an "ol' Crohny" too (haha) and was able to share her experience of this dreaded disease over the last two decades.

When I went to her Profile today, I see she had a video called "50 Famous Parental Sayings". I clicked on it, and laughed my fool head off. It was ME with a male voice! hahahhaa

Thought y'all might get a good kick out of it. I'll bet you hear your OWN voice!!!!





50 Famous Parental Sayings

See? TOLD ya you'd get a good kick out of it.

______________________
And just a further note as to Blake's status..... Dr. Fowler just came in and said Remicade was ordered yesterday and it should be in this afternoon. As long as it arrives, Blake will get his infusion THIS AFTERNOON. There is the worry of his body resisting the medication, which we will know within mere minutes as it enters his body; however, if this unfortunately happens, we will likely just switch to another med called Humira.

So, no worries, folks! Upward and onward!

Blake's Health Update 2010/06/22

Oh I am in such major trouble with some of you folks for not updating Blake's progress for two days!!!

Honestly, I just do NOT know where the time goes in here.

Firstly, let me begin by saying HAPPY SUMMER. Isn't today the official first day of Summer? Wait, it's after midnight now, so it's really Tuesday! So, Monday was the first official day of Summer, right? (I always hate to say goodbye to the Spring).

I haven't even got a clue what the weather is like outside. It is warm? cool? muggy? I asked a member of the cleaning staff what the weather was like, and she replied, "I don't know, I've been in here all day!" I said, "Oh, well what was the weather like on the weekend?" She said, "I don't know, I had to work the weekend as well!" hahaha. Sooooo, I'm just praying that the weather is beautiful when we finally get outta here.

And on THAT note, I will tell you that we don't know what day we're headed home, but with all hope, Blake will get his medicine Tuesday.

His temperature has managed to stay down and the bowel movements are less frequent, which is a good thing.

[Oh dear! I just heard a patient screaming from her room........ looks like it's gonna be a long night for someone!]

Anyways, Doctor Fowler and Doctor Weymouth (sp?) along with medical student John came in to see Blake on Monday with Dr. Paterson. The plan still remains that Blake should be receiving his dose of Remicade sometime Tuesday. I'm almost nervous about it now. I haven't been nervous at all through this whole process, but now I'm anxious to see if it's gonna work. I pray that it does! Blake so badly wants to feel good again.

We had a very nice visit Monday evening with a nurse named Romney. She came in to talk to Blake OFF DUTY!!!! How sweet is THAT??? When Nurse Don was on duty the other day, he mentioned that there was a nurse on the floor who also has suffered with Crohn's and that she has been in remission for many years. We were excited to talk with her, as she told Nurse Don that she'd pop in, but she must have got busy and didn't get in to see us. Then she called on the phone Monday and said she'd be in that night!

We spent a lot of time talking with her, and she is a sweetheart. Brent will be happy to know she's a Newfie! :o) We talked about everything from soup to nuts (literally... haha) and she told us her own experience with the dreaded bowel disease. Her story and experience is a bit different than Blake's, yet there are many similarities as well; but every piece of advice you can get from others is beneficial.

And it's always a blessing to make a new friend. This woman is like me, in that she can cry at the drop of a hat! If Romney and I had a girlfriend tea time, I think we'd definitely have a box of Kleenex at the table beside our tea and cookies (but they would be homemade cookies, Romney. Not made by me, of course, 'cause I don't do baked goods; but I'd find some homemade ones SOMEWHERE that would be edible... and not processed! haha).

We were talking about a good support system in family and friends, and Blake started talking about his bud, Billy, and how Billy has stood behind Blake so much. Poor Romney started collecting tears and we didn't even have a Kleenex in the room! She had to use the sleeve of her isolation gown!

We are so fortunate to have such caring people around us. There'd be no point in counting them all up, because I'd for sure lose count. We are definitely blessed.

Romney, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to see us. You could have been home entertaining your out-of-town England guests, or spending time with your children & hubby, or getting some well-deserved (and likely 'well-needed') sleep..... but you took the time to come back to your place of employment.... to an "infected" room, of all places!...... and spend some time with a boy and his mom that you don't even know. You were a blessing to us, and we appreciate your kindness. We look forward to getting to know you better.

Folks, I will tell you right now, the world needs more Romney's. Go be a Romney! Lend an ear. Offer some advice. Cry on your hospital isolation gown, if need be! [snicker]. Just go out and care for someone.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40 (NIV)

Down On The Farm

HaPpY FaThEr'S DaY to my Dad, Ikey Fraser!!!!!

I can't spend today with him because I am with one of my son's in a hospital as he battles a Crohn's Disease episode.

But I wanted to acknowledge my Dad on this special day. In fact, if I recall correctly, I believe I was in the hospital with Blake back on Mother's Day as well. So today's post can be for BOTH my parents.... Dwain (Ikey) & Jean Fraser.

My Dad always recited a poem called "Down On The Farm". I recall him reciting it when I was a little girl. It always amazed me that he had every word memorized. In fact, he just recited it to me about two weeks ago. He suffered some mini-strokes about a decade ago and it has affected his memory in some ways. But sure enough, he seems to remember this poem.

I have checked on the world wide web, and unfortunately almost every version I've come across is different than what my father recited.... just the odd word here and there are different. I have found one that is close, and I might change a word here or there that is what I remember my father reciting. (I do not know the original author.)

Down On The Farm

Down on the farm 'bout half past four

I slip on me pants and sneak out the door

Out to the barn I run like the dickens

To milk ten cows and feed the chickens

Clean out the barn, curry Nancy and Jiggs

Separate the cream and slop all the pigs

Work two hours then eat like a Turk

By heck I'm ready for a full day's work.

Grease the wagon and put on the rack

Throw a jug of water in the ol' grain sack

Hitch up the horses, hustle down the lane

Must get the hay in 'cause it sure looks like rain

Look over yonder, sure as I'm born

Cattle's on the rampage and cows in the corn

Start across the medder, run a mile or two

Heaving like I'm windbroke, get wet clean through

Get back to the horses, and then for recompense

Nance gets straddled in the barbwire fence

Joints all a-achin' and muscles in a jerk

I'm fit as a fiddle for a full day's work

Work all summer 'til winter is nigh

Then figure up the books and heave a big sigh

Worked all year, didn't make a thing

Got less money now than I had last spring

Now some people say there ain't no hell

But they never farmed, so how can they tell?

When spring rolls around I'll take another chance

While the fringe grows longer on me ol' gray pants

Give me s'penders a hitch, me belt another jerk

And by heck, I'm ready for a full day's work.

Have a great day, Dad & Mom!!!!

We love you!